Stars' Holiday Traditions Decking them halls or singing merry non-denominational seasonal songs - everyone has their own way of celebrating the holidays. Find out what the stars do. E-MAIL THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND John Travolta and wife Kelly Preston celebrate Christmas in a very special manner. "I start decorating 3 months in advance so that everything is perfect," says Kelly. "John and I are Scientologists, not Christians like you, so we have traditions that are a little better and a little more meaningful than most. Tin foil hats keep out messages from Jesus, so we can enjoy the season in peace. On Christmas day we take turns with a pinata shaped like L. Ron Hubbard that's filled with quaaludes - it's so much fun! All of you pathetic people - convert! Happy Holidays!" Michael J. Fox and wife Tracy Pollan and their four children have a unique Christmas Eve tradition. "We give Michael one of those snow globes to hold and he entertains all the kids for hours!" exclaims Tracy. Michael adds, "Because I'm not working as much these days, I have more time to devote to charity." Look for Michael on a street corner near you shaking a bell next to one of those little red pots! For Jennifer Lopez and fiance Ben Affleck this is a very special holiday because its their first Christmas together. Jenny remembers her Christmas dreams growing up as a poor kid in the Bronx, "I always wanted a tree that was as big as the one they put in Rockefeller Center. So this year we bought two. One we burned and the other is in the living room of my crib. I'm goin' to have it flocked in platinum and decorated with diamonds. Real diamonds. Nothing smaller than 2 carats. After the holidays we'll have it towed to sea and sunk." Ben adds "J-Lo is great in bed. I mean really great. There's no other way I would put up with this shit." A bemused Jenny replies, "What shit you talkin' about Papi? Better use that pretty mouth for sumpin' more 'portant than conversin'. And tell Matt to slow down and take it easy, he's 'on deck' if ya know what I mean baby - shit, just kiddin'!" Woody Allen and wife Soon-Yi Farrow-Allen are a unique and non-traditional couple that has some unique and non-tradtional holiday traditions. "Every year Soon-Yi and I go to the Christmas pageant down at Satchel's pre-school and she helps me pick out future girlfriends from the new crop of Chinese adopted daughters," a tipsy Woody reveals. "Later, we'll light the menorah and I'll drip hot wax on Soon-Yi until she admits I'm better than Scorcese." Ben Stiller and wife Christine Taylor celebrate both Jewish and Christian traditions for the holidays. "Ben and his father drink my blood at Hannukah and me and my brothers make fun of Ben's circumsized penis for Christmas. It's so satisfying and spiritual!" revealed Christine before being whisked away to dinner by an anxious-looking Ben. Sarah Jessica Parker and husband Matthew Broderick have WASP names, but he always plays Jews and she has the nose of a Rabbi. So how do they celebrate the holidays? We caught Sarah while she was staring at a mirror, "We're not real religious, otherwise we'd have to feel guilty about Matthew killing those folks while driving drunk in Ireland, and I'd have to hate God for this face. We take it easy at home and send our servants to the soup kitchen to help the poor, or so they claim. New Year's Eve is our most important holiday - we like to drink ourselves into a stupor and drop flaming 100 dollar bills down upon the homeless on Central Park West." Paul Newman and wife Joanne Woodward have celebrated over 40 Christmases together as man and wife - but who cares!!! They're old and they look kind of dusty.

In this week's The Beautiful People Mag: Shania reveals her 15 year battle with sex addiction and demonstrates her favorite bondage positions Rosie O'Donnell's long-time girlfriend just had a baby and Rosie's not the father!!! We've got the dirty low-down. <more> Hollywood Light-Weights We've got the skinny on today's lightest stars! Calista 86 lbs Debra Messing 68 lbs Fiona 43 lbs <more> Star Style Tom's New Look Tom Cruise showing off his new beard. Hollywood goes grunge! <more> In Next Week's The Beautiful People Mag: We pick the ugliest stars in Hollywood! <more> BobFromAccounting PaulKatcher.com X-E Skrodahl weirdLinks fark iloveBacon CFUS

Last Year's Christmas Bit - Grandma beastiality, Afghani girls gone wild and wholesome family values!