How to Eat Pussy
Eating pussy can be one of the most wonderful things you can do for a woman (or so I read on the cover of Cosmo). It makes her feel appreciated, desirable, and has the potential to give her an orgasm that will shatter...
How to Bang Just About Any Object in Your House
Uncle Melon examined twelve inanimate objects for their potential use as sexual partners.
How to Pick Up a Really Hot Babe
Years of exhaustive fieldwork have been distilled into 5 surefire steps to seduction success.
Starring, Mindy Vega!!!
My Paris Hilton Sex Tape
It turns out that last summer our Art Director, Bob Melonosky, got it on with Paris Hilton and her sister... and made his own Secret Paris Hilton Sex Tape.
How to Use a Vagina
And for all our female fans, a special bonus: How to Use a Penis at no extra charge. Oh wait, we have no female fans. All that work for nothing.
Best of 2003
Top Ten Babes I Banged in 2003
Back by popular demand!
I don't kiss and tell but if you let me get past firstbase - you are in trouble.
We continue our celebration of Playboy's 50 years with interactive centerfold cyber-cranking.
50 years and 50 billion gallons of banana juice.
U.S. Olympic Pee Team
John Bolton's ABCs
The Winter Olympics newest demonstration sport has a long ans fabled tradition. From the frozen north comes Snow Peeing!
The U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations teaches our children the alphabet. Hide your kids and lock away grandma!
Mail-Order Iraqi Brides
You've tried the rest, now marry the best!!! Everything you want in a woman at affordable prices!
Worst Presidents Ever... in Bed
From Honest Abe to Dishonest Bush, the secret sex lives of our most beloved and least beloved presidents.
Dead Pope Bit
Courtesy of Fox News and Monty Python.
Search Engine Keywords IV
Actual keywords that someone typed into a search engine in order to find Uncle Melon. Includes The Jennifer Lopez Butt Game, Hitler Comics and clean shaven mexican women!
now you've really gone too Far Side
What if the guy who created the Far Side
was a sick fuck like Uncle Melon?
French Freedom Fries
The Smoking Melon has the secret legialation you need to see! Plus a much larger image of that hot maid with a fry between her legs!
Your link here? No? Why?
Circus After Dark
Pound the Budweiser
And the Other is a Dog