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Scientific Name:Peachus pitus Common Name:Peach pit
Scientific Name:Cancerus stinki Common Name:Cigarette butt
Scientific Name:Steponit gethivandperishi Common Name:Used hypodermic needle
Scientific Name:Ixnayonthebabyay latexay Common Name:Used Condom
Scientific Name:Lycraupcracki bimoonal Common Name:Hot babe with bathing suit riding up
These inhabitants of the foredune use ritual lotion Scientific Name:Lardo germanica Common Name:Beached whale
Scientific Name:Crassostrea chlamydia Common Name:Bearded clam
Scientific Name:Legalus barelius Common Name:Teen sunbather
It's not against the law to look. Is it?
Scientific Name:Solobabe toogoodtobetrueo Common Name:Babe all alone Scientific Name:Skankosaurus melanoma Common Name:Way too tanned old broad
Scientific Name:Fierragodessa conguido Common Name:Hot chick with a guy
Scientific Name:Coverupphis blubberi Common Name:Beach chub
Scientific Name:Matriarchi poundabelii Common Name:Hot mom
Scientific Name:Wimploosa virgini Common Name:Losers
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Found throughout North America, these hard seed casings are from a fruit tree that uses large mammals to widen its distribution.
The exoskeleton of an invertebrate native to the intertidal zone. The actual organism is longer and travels in packs.
The discarded defense mechanism of a terrestrial mammal. Often contains an irritant that can cause sickness or death. Collect and breed in municipal storm drains and then migrate to open oceanic waters after heavy rains.
The sperm casing of the species Homo sapien. The male deposits his sperm in the sac as part of the mating ritual and then discards it on the beach. Who can forget the look on your mom's face when, while looking for shells, you picked up a Coney Island whitefish and asked her what it was.
All of the species of beached whales found in North America have a common ancestor that migrated from northern Europe in search of warmer waters.
With proper blanket placement, the knowledgeable naturalist can increase his chances of siting the elusive bearded clam.
When a single member of breeding age is found, look carefully for a school of Wimploosa virgini in close proximity. The symbiotic relationship between these diverse organisms is wholly one sided. The group of Wimploosa (always found in groups at the beach for defensive reasons) will stay close to the Solobabe gathering visual stimuli for future masturbatory fantasies. The Solobabe will be unaware of their presence.
Ubiquitous on the beaches of southern Florida, the Skankosaurus has adopted the darker it is, the harder it is to see the wrinkles strategy of attracting a mate. Long exposure to the sun not only darkens the natural coloring but leaves the skin of the Skankosaurus with even more wrinkles. Thus the breeding strategy is doomed to failure.
When you find a hot chick it is almost always accompanied by a permanent or semi-permanent mate. Close observation of this species must be done with utmost stealth or an embarassing display of territoriality may ensue that will inevitably result in injury to the naturalist.
Interesting to the naturalist because it tends to be more active than other species that just lie prone during the daylight hours, the Matriarchi can often be seen bending down to feed an offspring or bouncing off to gather a member of her brood that wanders outside her territory. Here a fine specimen is drying off her child with a towel.
The preferred habitat of the Wimploosa is a darkened basement or bedroom where individuals are often found alone, sitting in front of a computer. On rare occasions, small groups of Wimploosa will venture out on to open beaches in a futile attempt to acquire a mate. The Wimploosa are so poorly adapted to such environments that