Welcome to the NYC Teddy Bear Company!

Flowers die, candy makes her break out... and lets face it, she could afford to lose a few pounds! Send her a handcrafted NYC teddy bear.

*Disclaimer - Made in the USA by illegal immigrants


PICK A BEAR


NYC Teddy Bear Company


Every New York City Teddy Bear Company bear is lovingly, handcrafted by deaf, mexican slaves in a boarded up house in Corona, Queens.



Valentine's Day!
Show your significant other that you're willing to incite the wrath of GOD and the GOP by sending him these adorable teddy grooms. Brand new for 2005 and illegal in 17 states, every Same Sex Marriage Bear Couple comes with an Adopted Chinese Daughter Bear to serve as flower girl for no extra charge.
Sorry, cannot ship to AR, GA, KY, LA, MI, MS, MO, MT, ND, OH, OK, OR, UT...
Buy a Same Sex Marriage Bear Couple


February is Black History Month!
Your favorite African-American will say "Martin Luther who?" when she sees our all new Condi Bear. Forget about Harriet Tubman, Jackie Robinson, George Jefferson and Dr. Charles Richard Drew, there is only one black worth knowing nowadays.

Every handmade Condi Bear comes with bright red lips perfect for kissing the lily-white ass of The Man. Each bear also comes with its own package of Oreo cookies and when you pull her string, our Condi Bear declares "I don't have a dream!"

Buy Condi Bear!



Valentine's Day!
Show your loved ones you care with our special handcrafted Valentine's Day teddy bear. Brand new for 2005, every Orange Alert Bear comes equipped with a current issue Israeli civilian gas mask, a super-sized roll of duct tape and a box of saran wrap. Also included is a large heart-shaped box of chocolate! That chocolate will come in handy when your special honey is trapped inside her hermetically sealed home.
Buy an Orange Alert Bear!!!
Just in time for St. Patrick's Day!!!
A cute, handcrafted teddy passed out in a pool of green vomit. You're special someone will think she's on 5th Avenue watching the parade when she receives this adorable bear. Cheesy, green plastic hat, fake vomit and a little bottle of beer included. New for 2003, every Patty O'Bear comes with a scratch and sniff "Kiss Me I'm Irish" button. Quick, get that bear into a hot shower!

Buy Patty O'Bear!


Just in time for the Holidays!!!
Buy Jesus Bear!
Buy Charlton Bear!
He died for your sins, but now He has returned, as a lovingly, handcrafted teddy bear. Your special christian will think she's died and met her Maker when she receives this adorable bear. Approved by the 700 Club, Ed McMahon and Jane Fonda!

Jews like bears too! This handcrafted Charlton Heston bear is the perfect gift for their holiday. Approved by the NRA and Rabbi Abraham Vigoda!


Father's Day!!!
Buy Larry Bear!
Just in time for Father's Day, the Larry Johnson Bear!!
Larry is not only a former basketball player with the NY Knicks, he's everyone's favorite Dad.

From the city with more bastards than a lawyer convention, a lovingly, handcrafted Larry Johnson Bear. With 5 children with 4 different women, who better exemplifies today's absentee Dad? Every bear comes complete with a little basketball and a stack of child support checks! And free with every purchase, all of Larry's cubs, each vying for his affection with their own handmade Father's Day cards. So this year, make your Dad feel good about himself and you!


Secretary Day!!!
Buy Voodoo Boss Bear!
It's that time of year again and you know what that cheap bastard's gonna do. He'll buy you those crappy flowers that they sell at the A&P next to the National Enquirer. Screw him, treat yourself or a fellow secretary!! Buy a Voodoo Boss Bear!!

From the city with more Haitians than Haiti, a lovingly, handcrafted Voodoo Boss Bear! What is a better gift for yourself than a couple of weeks without that ungrateful asshole ordering you around. Every bear comes complete with 200 authentic, surgical steel voodoo pins. But use your imagination! Old rusty nails could keep him sidelined for months!! Our staff of voodoo high priestesses prepare every bear individually. Guaranteed for 1 year or your money is lovingly returned.


Send a Bear-Gram!!!
Perfect for the homesick New Yorker! Need the ideal gift for a child away at college or any loved one far from home? Send Lil' Miss Crack Ho Bear! Every BEAR-GRAM includes a cute, handcrafted teddy bear and 50 grams of authentic, New York City crack. She'll think she's on the corner of 14th St. and First Avenue when she shakes this bear and it grunts, "Smoke? Blow? Suck?" Every Lil' Miss Crack Ho Bear comes complete with dirty gray sweatpants, a dirty blonde wig, an empty pack of cigarettes and charm galore.
Buy Lil' Miss Crack Ho Bear!


NYPD Bear Blues!!!
Who can resist a bear in uniform? Especially when he has a broken broomstick up your butt!!! Lovingly, handcrafted NYPD Officer Bear comes complete with an adorable blue uniform, broken broomstick and a Lil' Abner Bear... at no extra charge!!! The perfect gift for that special law enforcement professional in your life.
Buy NYPD Officer Bear!!!


ORDER TODAY!!!
NEW YORK CITY TEDDY BEARS MAKE THE PERFECT GIFT


Let's face it, how many frickin bears can you give her before she's remembering the good old days when you used to get her flowers and chocolate. Besides, she has the stupid bears lined up on her dresser staring at you when you're trying to go about your business. Now from the city that has 24 rats for every human, authentic NYC rats. The New York City Department of Health's Division of Pest Control poisons them and we pick up the bodies. Lovingly, hand-stuffed with recycled materials, every NYC Rat-Gram® comes posed in an
adorable position wearing an "I NY t-shirt." Order today!!!!
Buy NYC Rat-Gram!!!