Top Sites
redBrain
X-E
chickenLegs
weirdLinks
fark
gordie
iloveBacon
mortysTworld
ratatak
shutITdown
holyZoo
|
Welcome to the City of Boston's
Little Miss Altar Boy 2002
Uncle Melon hacked into the Archdiocese computer to reveal the "behind the behind the scene" story on the recently completed contest.
Welcome to the wonderful world of Little Miss Altar Boy Boston! The Mission of our Pageant is to promote the Teachings to Catholics and All People of God, to Help them Deepen their understanding of Our Catholic Faith and to check out the latest talent from parishes across greater Boston!
Opening Benediction
Here I am, good and gentle Jesus, kneeling before you. Be gentle with me as I contemplate your five inches with great love and compassion, I remember the words which the prophet David long ago put on your lips: "They look like a plucked chicken!" (Psalm 22/17-18). |
 | | St. Tarrisius - patron saint of dressing up as a roman soldier and buggering little boys |
The dream of being "Little Miss Altar Boy" has become a reality to thousands of little boys since the year 400 AD. Boston's pageant, now more than 250 years old, is just the beginning of a long and arduous path to the World Competition where His Holiness will be a judge for the 12th straight year!
This Years Competition!
Young Pete Shepherd (l.) from the North End, winner of the talent contest, wowed the crowds with his contortionist act. What Father wouldn't be proud to have pretty Pete assisting at his rectory. Following the advice of lawyers little Johnny "Sully" Sullivan (r.) wore a "South Boston" banner rather than "Sound End", which traditionally brought knowing chuckles from the crowd.
Ready Freddie Smerlas proudly represents Waltham after a tough fight for the local crown - the inside scoop is that playing tight end for the Parish's CYO football league was key to the victory. JFK Jr. look-a-like Dale Neumeyer from Our Lady of Perpetual Shame and Whispered Accusations just squeaked in despite rumors of eyebrow tampering.
The "Under-roo" competition is always a crowd favorite. This years competition again brought rousing applause as Bobby "Superboy" Calahan from the host parrish, Our Lady of Sufferin Suckmyass, pranced to victory. Bobby was this years first runner-up and would replace the winner if he refuses to perform his duties.
Controversy reared its ugly head when Gordie Lachance from Dorchester wore a hated Yankees cap during the Play Clothes Competition. Gordie was booed off the stage to a chant of "Yankees Suck!!!" "Ferchristsakes, even kid touchers have their limit," commented Father Gregg "Opie" Hughes, "the fucking Yankees! Bejesus, too bad really, he had a nice head of touslable hair."
 | | Last year's winner Stevie Buckley shed a few tears of relief knowing his reign would soon be over. |
This Years Winner!
 | Lil' Jimmy Norton taking the crown.
There he is Miss Altar Boy Boston 2002! Winner of both the Holy Vestment and Hide the Ceremonial Candle competitions, lil' Jimmy was an overwhelming favorite.
Father Anthony Cumia explains "Despite his oddly shaped head, lil' Jimmy's ever present smile must have won over the judges!"
Brother Pat "Is that a chalice in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" O'Reilly of Quincy, a judge for the contest, said it was a nearly-impossible task to choose three winners from all who participated.
"I want to fondle them all," said O'Reilly as he wrestled with his decision. "All 166 of them."
"This stinks!" remarked the happy winner.
|
This Could be You!
Join us at next years competition and be as happy as Brother Pat (pictured) in a sea of pre-pubescent faithfulness. Brother Pat says "I could play the organ all night long with this choir!"more info
The Little Miss Altar Boy Boston Store!
Help continue a great tradition! Profits from all purchases go directly to our legal defense fund!
  | Beautiful replicas of ancient statues found wrapped in the Shroud of Turin showing both sides of Jesus' love for the child
Add to Shopping Cart |
Copyright © UncleMelon.com
|
|
