If you are one of a set of cute twins, do send a picture of yourself eating a watermelon. If you can get your sister to join you, more the better!

If you look like this woman does when you eat watermelon, do send a picture.

Who are we kidding? If you're a woman, do send a picture and you'll get a link.

This is pretty good but it would be better if you or your significant other were actually eating the watermelon. If you could dribble some juice and seeds on your chin or your chest, that would be even better. Either way, do send a picture.

If you or your significant other were crowned Watermelon Queen, do send a picture.

No really, these are Watermelon Queens meeting the Secretary of the USDA. Here's some closeups to prove it.

If you are an anime character that looks like this or can draw an anime character that looks like this, do send a picture.

If you are a guy (and we know you are) and you wear a watermelon as a hat because you don't know any woman willing to eat watermelon for you, do not send a picture.

If you are a guy and you don't know any woman willing to eat watermelon for you and you think you can fool us by carefully pasting a melon on a hot babe in photoshop, do send a picture but you're not getting a link. We did that already (see Celebrity Melons 2001).

If you are a guy and you cut a hole in a watermelon and whack off into it and send us a picture of your pecker and a watermelon covered in splooge because you don't know any woman willing to eat watermelon for you, do not send a picture. But do rent Night on Earth where an italian cab driver kills a priest by telling him about how he used to fuck a melon when he was a kid. Its subtitled but it is funny shit. Just fast forward to the italian part; the rest of the movie sucks.

If you are a guy and you get your pregnant wife to paint a pumpkin on her massive baby-filled belly, do not send a picture.

If you are a guy and you get your pregnant wife to paint a watermelon on her massive baby-filled belly, do send a picture. You know what, if you're willing to paint anything on your wife's pregnant belly just to get a link, do send a picture. Its good enough for us!

You know what, I changed my mind. If you're this guy and you get your pregnant wife to paint Santa on her massive baby-filled belly, so that you can stick your willy in her gaping third trimester belly button and pretend that Old Saint Nick is giving you a hummer, do not send a picture.

Do Not send cute pictures of your kids eating a watermelon. Ferchrissakes, we get enough pedophiles as it is. (By just typing the p-word, we'll get 4 or 5 more search engine hits a day!)

Do Not send incredibly racist crap that's not in the least bit funny. We like a good irish joke as much as the next guy, but it has to be funny!

These guidelines should make everyone's life easier. If you're a guy, you have your work cut out for you. Looks like you'll have to find a way to get a woman to agree to pose with a watermelon or be really clever. If you're a woman, its your lucky day.