Today's hottest young stars came out in force last friday night to raise money to feed the world's hungry. Young hollywood auctioned off their melons to the highest bidder but the real winners were those less fortunate. We raised over $2,000,000.

This isn't just a one night fling. All the celebrities have spent the last few months, caring for and nuturing their melons, with the hope that their melons would be the largest and ripest of the night. The rules are simple, each star brings her favorite two melons and the bidding starts at a cool $1,000.

Petite, Jennifer Love Hewitt, star of the upcoming summer smash, I Still Know That You Know That I Know What You Did Five Summers Ago, brought a beautiful pair of melons to the auction. Jen's current boy toy Alec Baldwin could not attend, he's spending 30 days in a jail cell in Puerto Rico, but his liberal earth-friendly influence was still quite evident. "I never allow any chemicals or pesticides to touch my melons!" chirped the young starlet. "I always made sure that my melons were lieing in a warm bed of cow manure." If this acting thing doesn't work out, looks like Jenn could always set up a stand on the side of Santa Monica Blvd. and sell her melons.

Her agricultural methods may be different but you can't argue with the results. Dark and sultry Tomb Raider, Angelina Jolie, brought an equally impressive pair of melons. When asked her secret for ripe and juicy melons, the ever unusual actress admitted that, "Every day I rub five drops of my husband's blood on to each of my melons." Oddly enough, the only bidder on these fine melons was Miss Jolie's husband, writer/director/actor/luckiestuglyfatfart Billy Bob Thorton.

The largest melons of the night belonged to the multi-talented Carmen Electra. "Big is good!" shouted Ms. Electra. She'll get no argument from yours truly.

Apparently, beautiful Ali Landry knows more about food than how to bite into a taco chip. Ali's melons recieved the single highest bid, from an unamed Saudi sheik. However, the glowing starlet never forgot the reason for the festive celebration. She happily declared "the idea that my melons will be able to feed an entire African country makes me tingle all over!"

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Teen pop sensation Britney Spears has never been too busy to donate her melons to charity. "Last year, I had fourteen number 1 hits and was the voice of my generation, yet when it came to my melons, I just didn't measure up," remarked the perky singer. "This year I payed more attention to my melons, and I think the hungry people of the world will really appreciate it!"

Petite Calista Flockhart, star of the Fox hit Ally McBeal, was in for a surprise when she arrived with a pair of strawberries! "Melons!" chuckled the slender starlet, "I thought any type of fruit was acceptable." Remember, this night belonged to the hungry, so Uncle Melon bent the rules and allowed Ms. Flockhart's ripe, little berries to go up for bid. Next time Calista you should read your invitation more carefully!

The real boner of the night belonged to that original golden girl, Bea Arthur, an Uncle Melon favorite. Not only isn't Ms. Arthur hot or young, she brought a cucumber to be auctioned! After much good natured kidding, a real bidding war developed between two of today's most available celebrity hunks. It seemed that Matthew Perry, Chandler on NBC's mega-hit Friends and latin lothario Ricky Martin had a longing for cucumber. No melons for these boys!