The Isle of Misfit Sex Toys
Hermey and Rudolph rode the little iceberg through the night until they got to a strange and desolate island. "This looks like the just the place for a couple of misfits," said Hermey.
But they were not alone on the island. Soon, Benny introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Benny and this is the Isle of Misfit Sex Toys," he said. Hermey was confused and asked, "Why are you a misfit?"
"I'm a pair of ben wah cubes and no little girl wants to play with a pair of ben wah cubes," Benny replied sadly. "I'm a misfit."
Gary Glitter was next. "I'm body glitter that looks like herpes. No, little girl wants to wear me when she goes out dancing," he said. "I'm a misfit."
"No woman wants to wear me when they play either" said a sad Consuelo. "I'm a frumpy, Guatemalan maid costume. This island will always be my home."
"What's your story, Mister?" asked Hermey.
"Boys and girls like their vibraters to be shiny and slick, or slippery and quick," explained Rough Ralph. "I'm covered in 60-grit aluminum oxide sandpaper. I'm a misfit."
"My name is Slick but I'm gritty too," said Slick Dick. "Everything was great until the man in the factory but in the pumice. And the vomit scent is no help at all. I'm a misfit."
Sharp Suzy was next. "I'm a string of anal razor blades."
"You are a misfit!" gasped Rudolph. Suzy started to cry.
"Don't be mean, Rudolph!" said Hermey. "Remember, we are misfits, too."
Handy Hal hopped up to the two strangers. "You look okay to me," said Hermey.
Karl was last. He was big and flabby and smelly and hairy and full of pimples and bruises and other assorted skin conditions.
I'm an accurate and anatomically correct casting of Karl Rove's ass," said Karl. "No little boy wants to play with me except for Bill O'Reilly and he's too cheap to buy me."
"You're a misfit," said Rudolph.
Karl shook his flaccid checks up and down. "Yes. Yes, I am a misfit."
Rudolph turned to Hermey and said, "Let's get the fuck off of this island as fast as we can. I'm starting to feel a whole lot better about myself."
Hermey agreed and hailed down a passing flying lion that turned out to be King Poontaster. "Can you take us away from this horrible place," Hermey asked the lion.
"Sure, this is not the right place for losers like you," explained the King. "This is the Isle of Misfit Sex Toys. Why don't you hang out tonight and party with the guys? If you buy Karl a beer, he can be very friendly."
"We'd rather leave right now," pleaded Rudolph.
And they did. As they flew into the nothern lights, they could her the screams of the toys below. "Don't forget to tell Santa about us! or Howard Stern!"