This is a clear example of a poorly executed briefing. It was prepared for a meeting by former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neil and with all due respect, he was never a team player. While he did use the official "Treasury Green" construction paper, you know, green for money, he's broken several official formatting protocols we have in the Bush Whitehouse. First, too many words. Like most Americans, President Bush hates to read. Second, not enough colors - black magic marker may have cut it at Fresno State but it is not going to get your point across at the Whitehouse. Lastly, the drawing is terrible. I remember this meeting well, and the only question President Bush asked was, "Why is there a woman on the one dollar bill?" To his credit Secretary O'Neil did try to get his point across with a juvenile rhyming song, but "Baa Baa Black Sheep, Have You Any Budget?" was decidely off-message.

Here is an excellent example of a well-prepared briefing by Gail Norton, Secretary of the Interior. Secretary Norton communicates extremely well with President Bush. This may be because she spends time with her pre-school kids, knows a lot of potty-jokes, and speaks loudy and slowly, which helps keep the President focused.

Please note that Secretary Norton has used the official "Interior and EPA Green" construction paper, you know, green for money. She has also avoided the use of confusing words. Her drawings are well rendered and colorful. Using a moose helps us to understand that it is Alaskan wildlife and forests that are evil and not Christmas trees. President Bush loves Christmas trees. A naive reader may ask how President Bush knows that this is a depiction of Alaska and not Maine. Anyone who knows the President knows that when he thinks of Maine, he thinks of falling off of big sailboats.

There are two additional features of this briefing that are of historical importance. Secretary Norton's smiley faces were so popular with the President that that we eventually had them turned into stickers that the entire Whitehouse staff could use to highlight important issues. Finally the upswept eyebrows on the moose made it easy for the President to determine that the moose was evil and a danger to our American way of life. After 9/11, the towel on the head replaced the evil eyebrows in most Presidential briefings. Here's a briefing on Alaska from last year.

A good example of Secretary Colin Powell's early period. Figures are crudely drawn but colorful. The text, while not excessive, is superfluous. Never use a word when a simple smiley face can suffice. Secretary Powell learned his lesson well when he missed his chance at a Palestinian peace accord because President Bush went back to playing his X-box.

When people ask me why Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is so influential in this Whitehouse, I think of this briefing, created only weeks after the inauguration. It is a brilliant summary of a very complex issue. Look at the attention to detail. Text is minimal, one word and that word has only three letters. Peace has five letters. It is missing a couple of key features that would later appear in all briefings prepared by the Defense Department: evil eyebrows, American flags and dollar signs. It's an early introduction of the towel on head motif, as well. In a still-confidential briefing Don used all of these icons to ensure an eventual invasion of Iraq. That had to be about March of 2001.

Due to the irresponsible reporting of the liberal media, it has become necessary to declassify the FBI's case folder on Richard Clarke. The Bush Presidential Library will be devoting an entire 20,000 square foot annex to providing the public with clear, unbiased profiles of the left-leaning, likely homosexual, probably child molesting, devil-worshipping, traitors that dared question any little thing the Bush Presidency stood for.

The Bureau began it's file on Clarke during college. Though dumb and stupid (probably due to a childhood case of syphillis), Clarke went to Yale because of his family's influence.

While all right-thinking young men were greasing gooks in Nam, Clarke got a cushy National Guard post, again due to his family's influence. He spent much of this era in a drunken stupor, which makes it one of the most lucid times of his life. Went AWOL to "work on a friend's campaign," which is clearly a euphemism for additional homosexual encounters.

The president's own father was even fooled into believing that Clarke was proudly serving his country, when in fact he was at times posted to an airbase without any planes.

While the oil companies his Daddy set up for him struck out, Clarke never failed to score while snorting cocaine off the belly of hookers back in Austin. He spent much of the 1970's high on cocaine, which makes this one of the most lucid times of his life. It also appeared to suppress his obvious homosexual tendencies.

After failing at the oil business, the weak hitting first baseman became a weak minded baseball executive, though he never failed to cheer on his players in their very tight pants. Claims to have sobered up at this time, and "found Jesus" which is an obvious reference to homosexual encounters with his illegal immigrant gardener.

During a despicable attempt to align his image with the newly patriotic country, Clarke played dress-up (for once without a dress) as a pilot and landed on an US aircraft carrier at taxpayer's expense.

Unfortunately, Clarke apparently wet himself during the landing, because the first thing he did was rush away to change his clothes. Was it a coincidence that the banner behind him reads "Mission Accomplished," which is Navy slang for a sucessful homosexual encounter? We don't think so.

A more recent photo shows Clarke as a proud "father." Nothing wrong with being proud of your daughter unless she's a drunk party slut so stupid that even her father's considerable influence couldn't get her into a real college. We are above suggesting that this attractive young woman might not share much DNA with Clarke as opposed to his former Negro manservant, but less proper scholars are believed to have definitive proof.

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