    | Unrestrained Melons Ripe for the Picking! |
| Unrestrained Melons Ripe for the Picking! |
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Coach's Corner Baseball is the only sport where the coaches and managers wear the same uniforms as the players. Why? No matter how bad it gets, Joe Torre is not going to put Don Zimmer in to pinch hit. Baseball uniforms look good on baseball players but often don't look too good on old, dumpy coaches.  Can you imagine Jeff Van Gundy, coach of the New York Knicks having to wear a uniform? Those baggy shorts hanging down to his ankles. I love Jeff Van Gundy, a Honda Civic driving guy coaching in the NBA. He's a great coach.  But he's a walking advertisement for hats.Here's a close-up of Jeff's plugs. (Not for the squeemish!) Even the self-proclaimed best looking coach in the NBA. Mr. Style, Jeff's mentor Pat Riley, owner and coach of the Miami Heat would look less than appealing if he had to wear a Heat uniform. Thank goodness for the slimming effects of wearing all black. Here's a couple of basketball cards from back when Pat was a little less GQ. Before you go I couldn't resist drawing that old towel sucking, racoon eyed rules violater, Jerry "the Shark" Tarkanian, former coach of the Running Rebels of Nevada-Las Vegas and current coach of the Bulldogs of Fresno State. Not a pretty picture. 
I wanted to put unflattering photos of Joe Torre, Lou Pinella and Don Zimmer here but I couldn't find any to steal. Every night during the Yankees game they cut to the dugout shot and there's Torre and Zimmer sitting next to each other looking really uncomfortable in their uniforms. Since I couldn't find any photos Ill leave you with a story. When I was 12 I read this book called "Ball Four" by the old Yankee's pitcher Jim Bouton (he was on the team with Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin and Whitey Ford). It was a really cool book because he not only wrote about baseball, he also wrote about the drinking and the women. There was a line in that book that I never forgot. When ballplayers in the early sixties saw an ugly woman in a bar they used to say "she looks like Joe Torre with tits." That formed a visual in my head that I still carry around with me to this day. Now you will have to live with the horror.  Jim said they used Joe not because he was ugly but because he was so frickin masculine with the popeye arms, the Fred Flintstone 5 o'clock shadow and all the hair. Get me a beer, I'm out of here.  Another bit stolen from the Opie and Anthony Radio Show in New York WNEW FM 102.7 Home |
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