I may not know much about art but I've got a Ph.D. in Babeology from the University of Phoenix. Grab some linseed oil and an old rag to mop up the mess and let's get this class started.
Stripper College Service industry jobs are the future in today's economy and no career has more potential for growth than exotic dancer. I grew an inch just writing that sentence.
If a you're looking for a fun, fast-paced career filled with groping, other people's sweat and unlimited earning potential, please visit our website today!
Keywords are those words you type into google when you want to find something. Last month to get to us, 30,000 of you typed in the word vagina, 3,000 typed in hot babe and 300 typed in collage girls instead of college girls.
Are you about to lay down your hard earned cash on an Official Tera Patrick Cherry Scented Anal Exciter? I'll show you how to get your rocks off while saving money!
Still interested in the only anal exciter designed and approved by Tera? Go here.
Before there was Bad Santa, there was Really Bad Santa. Michael Jackson's realistic portrayal of a child molester had them rolling in the aisles at Cannes. Warning! This bit contains some terrible photoshopping that sensitive viewers may find offensive.
Actual keywords that someone typed into a search engine in order to find Uncle Melon. For Example: Taylor Hayes could be two US presidents or it could be the sweetest pornstar to ever hob a presidential knob.
We kept waiting... and waiting... for someone else to do it. Tasteless and politically incorrect.
Support the troops by not visiting.
Uncle Melon's Army The military is responsible for changing Demi Moore from the centerfold sweetie shown above to the scary image shown below (or maybe it was being married to Bruce Willis). Join Uncle Melon for a military review of his favorite "soldiers."
Joe, I have a difficult and dangerous mission for you. You must get that IUD from within Victoria Abril's nether region. The future of the free world lies in the balance!
Actual keywords that someone typed into a search engine in order to find Uncle Melon. For example, Sexy Librarian.
When I was a freshman at UC Berkeley, Tera Patrick was the head librarian in the New Media section. She was my mentor and advisor and one helluva sexy librarian.
Melonade: Uncle Melon needs your aid in picking punch lines to photos from some beloved TV shows and movies.
New:Leah Remini, Survivor: Marquesas, Drew Carey and Patricia Heaton's back!
In the grand tradition of Mad Magazine, I present a parody with a really bad title, cockDied.com. If you like cockeyed.com, this will offend you. Never heard of cockEyed.com? Go!
Hey, that's Phoebe Cates from Ridgemont High. I grew up with Phoebe but I had to go to Wilson Tech cuz me mom dropped me on my head when I was litttle.
Flags and CarsThe U.S. flag goes with almost everything. Look how nice it looks with Britney Spears.
However, it has become obvious that flags and cars do not play nice together
Jane's Guide to Weapons of Terror Jane is British but its not Frasier's own Jane Leeves (shown here in her role as eye candy on the tv show, The 20 Minute Workout).
Wank to SkankWhenever your Uncle was yearning for some release, he could always count on these babes to deliver the goods! Uh, oh!
Lois Chiles, tantric sex goddess librarian in Bliss.
Search Engine KeywordsActual keywords that someone typed into a search engine in order to find Uncle Melon. "hot librarian pics" Hey, if you want it we got it!
Uncle Melon's Krazy Party Rental Looking to make junior's party special? How about a Titanic slide or Heather Locklear in a dunk tank?
All the Presidents I Banged Uncle Melon interviews author, performer and presidential fluffer, Randi Grinder!
Pamela Anderson is an Animal Lover! see who else fucks like a rabbit... or is it likes to fuck rabbits? we always get confused... so read along!
The First Time Uncle Melon remembers his first time, the romance, the anticipation, the loneliness!
Map of Hawaii courtesy of Jay Mohr.
The First Time Part 2 This time you get to make a map of Hawaii on this classic poster and find out who was your Uncle's first.
The Letter:Dear Playboy Advisor, a no, Dear Penthouse Forum, hmmm, Dear Mr. Flynt,
The Zen of Strip Clubs Strip clubs versus regular clubs... strip clubs win everytime! Your Uncle explains why.
Edgar Allan Poe is alive and well (sort of) and running an e/n web site from his apartment in Baltimore! Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll! and poetry.
Junkyard O.R.What happens when you take 1 junkyard and 1 morgue and 2 teams of gearheads...
The Video Store Hit When other kids were studying or outside playing, our own Slug Boy Jay was watching TV. He believes all that TV has left him better prepared to find his place in the world. Plus the chicks dig it.
The Uncle Melon Jargon Buster Uncle Melon gets visitors from around the globe. Some of our foreign friends are having trouble telling a peach from a yambag. Hey just cuz ya ain't from new yawk don't mean ya can't enjoy UncleMelon. Because we care, here's a glossary of important words. Learn 'em! Use 'em!
The Blind Date When other kids were studying or outside playing, our own Slug Boy Jay was watching TV. He believes all that TV has left him better prepared to find his place in the world. Plus the chicks dig it.
Robert Blake The bitter artist behind the headlines!
Extreme Merchandise Not our merchandise but extremely affordable and extremely extreme ...
Coach's Corner Baseball managers and coaches wear the same uniforms as their players. What if basketball coaches had to do the same? Includes a bonus drawing of Joe Torre that is guaranteed to cause nightmares!
Deep Inside New York City Two flash animations and the home of the New York City Teddy Bear Company. The Simon Bar Sinister Morph is entirely stolen from Anthony of the Opie and Anthony Radio Show. Check them out afternoons 3-7! Is Simon Bar Sinister alive and well and taking over New York City?
Why is President Bush Testifying before the 9-11 Committee with VP Dick Cheney?
