| Britney Spears | Stevie Nicks |
| Photos to Set the Mood |
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| The First Time I was Compelled to Spill Seed |
While watching the Rugrats on Nickelodeon with my 5 year old nephew.
The rats had just been fooled by Angelica into believing that the really little ugly one had been turned into a watermelon when a commercial for Britney's new CD appeared. I was forced to disappear into the bathroom. By the time I re-emmerged the rats were eating cookies and Angelica was being punished by the mother with the glasses and the nice rack. | While watching the "Midnight Special" (that came on at 1 AM on saturday night).
Fleetwood Mac appeared. Sunday morning the dog would get the blame for another stain on the carpet that contained no doggie DNA. Call McGruff! |
| More Photos to Set the Mood |
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| Nicknames |
The Voice of her Generation
Odd choice given that her voice sucks | The White Witch of Rock |
| Breasts |
As we used to say in the old days, "hecho en Mexico." Nowadays I guess its "hecho en Beverly Hills." Major selling points.
You've all seen this but what a perfect opportunity to look at more breasts:
Before
After
 | Never major selling points. Probably aging pretty well given their small size. Let's hope.
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| Talent |
She's got big boobs and dances better than Vanilla Ice! Her voice sounds a little like Wendy from South Park but who's listening anyway. At last year's Grammys she won the Milli Vanilli Memorial Award for Best New Lip Sync-er.
| She wrote some cool songs and swirled around really nice in a shawl. Hey you know what, I think Stevie is the only woman in a shawl I have ever jerked off to... Wait, I forgot about that incident in the 7th grade during a class trip to Colonial Williamsburg. |
| Even More Photos to Set the Mood |
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| Sexual Experience |
VIRGIN!?!
Back in my day a teen virgin looked something like this:
 | Stevie Nicks wasn't just cute. She just oozed sex. You knew she was banging every member of her band including the ugly chick. Now I know you youngsters are thinking, "Britney Spears is hotter than her!" No. Sorry. That's no pseudo-virgin boys. That was a woman. She fronted a real band, wrote her own songs, and partied away more brain cells than Britney will ever use. Stevie Nicks with no make up was just as hot as Stevie Nicks with make up. All she needed was a thin glaze of splooge to highlight her lips. At the 1975 Grammys, she took home the coveted Best New Lips and Sphincter Award (the first female recipient in Grammy history!) |
| Reality Check (Wank to Skank) |
As we discovered in "Wank to Skank," draining gallons of splooge over a babe is no guarantee that she will age well. Yesterday's dreamgirl can become the mental image you use to avoid a boner at the physical for the basketball team. Turn and cough!
Britney's no teenager anymore, she turned 20 a few weeks ago. Let me remind you what Ms. Spears looks like without the putty knife and a gallon of wood filler.
You want to know what she's gonna look like in a few years? There's an old porn star that has a cable access show in NYC named Robin Byrd. She was in Debbie Deepthroats Dallas or something. Read it and weep.
Maybe she better give up the cherry now before its too late! | I almost forgot to post the skank photo of Stevie Nicks. This doesn't do her justice. Believe me, I saw her in one of those behind the scenes things and she looks like the lady in the scary house at the end of the block with the 50 cats. They used to call her the "White Witch of Rock," now she's just a witch.
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