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SportsByBrooks PaulKatcher RetroCrush fark iLoveBacon BobFromAccounting
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 An UncleMelon.com Tribute toRonald Wilson Reagan 40th President of the United States Former President Ronald Reagan didn't come up much over the years at UncleMelon.com. He was just some old guy in bed suffering. I like to think it was God's way of punishing him before he spends eternity in Hell. Reagan did make a guest appearance a while back in a bit entitled Four Fantasies of George W. Bush. In it, President Bush imagines a special meeting with the former president. Sadly, this fantasy will now never come true. In honor of the 40th President of the United States we reprint, in part, that article today. 
An Audience with the President She lets me in. I enter alone. My staff and security know to wait in the cars. This is something I have to do by myself. Nancy looks good. Her eyes are rimmed with red probably from crying, but she looks good. She always does. "How is he doing Mrs. Reagan?" A small smile appears and vanishes as she replies "Oh, George please. Call me Nancy. He's doing well. He has his moments of lucidity... I think, overall, he's happy." "How are the children?" "Good, George. Everyone is fine." Her hand reaches out for mine and gives it a squeeze. I look in her eyes and I see something. A loneliness. A longing. I feel the need to give her a hug and I do it. Not a passionate one. A hug of two people sharing. Nancy hugs back. She really hugs back. "How are you doing Nancy?" I ask as I take a step back. She responds quickly, "Fine, George. I'm doing fine. It's hard sometimes but it's okay... Let's go see him now before he goes to sleep." She still has my hand as she guides me to his room. He's in bed, his nurse sitting at his side.
"Ron, the president is here to see you." Her voice is loud and slow and startles me. One of the truely great Americans turns and looks at me. His eyes take some time to focus. His lips tremble and churn to form words. He whispers hoarsely, "George, my old friend George. It's great to see you." "Mr. President, it's Junior. George's boy. You look great Mr. President." Nancy excuses herself and I am alone with Ronald Reagan and his nurse. "The country can really use your counsel, Mr. President. We all miss your great strength." He smiles. A sweet, earthy smell fills the room.
"Mommy! Mommy! I did a dirty!" he exclaims. The nurse bolts upright and says, "Excuse me sir. The President has soiled himself. I'll have him cleaned up in a minute." I look at the young man and ask a question that suprises him. "Would you allow me the honor, son?" The nurse looks confused but is not going to confront his Commander-in-Chief. "Please leave me alone. I'll call you when I'm finished." The strapping young man strides sharply out of the room and closes the door. I pull down the old man's covers and unbutton his warm, damp pajama bottoms. His penis lies flaccidly, covered in a glistening dew. Can it get better? I look at the old man. He is happy. I know he is happy.
I'm shaking with excitement. I mean I'm really shaking. There is only one thing that I know that can make this better and I have a baggie of it in my coat pocket. I spread the line right on the old man's belly like we used to do to the whores down in Austin. It looks okay. A little chunky but this is no time to be cutting. I'm shaking so much that its difficult to get the whole line. It takes three tries. All is calm. The only sound is the deep wet sound of the old man's breathing. Everthing is sharper. My shaking has stopped. I reach for a baby wipe from the plastic dispenser on his nightstand. Gently I wipe away the moisture. To do a thorough job, I grab hold of his penis and lift it slightly in order to clean off his ball sack.
The member in my hand responds to my touch and the old man starts talking to himself, "Oh Raisa, you commie whore, make Daddy happy." A smile forms on the old man's face. My hand involuntarily begins a slow and deliberate stroking. "Raisa, here comes Daddy!" My hand speeds up and the old man comes on himself. I scoop up a dollop and carefully put it in the empty baggie. Never know when this particular DNA might be useful. I lick the residual off my fingers, finish cleaning up the old man, kiss him gently on the lips and walk out of the room.
Personal Note: Ronald Reagan was the first president I ever really hated. I spent most of his presidency unemployed or earning minimum wage. He piled on the deficit, argued with the commies and traded arms for hostages. I'll leave you with my favorite Reagan quote said accidently into a live radio mike in 1984: My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. Do you have any special memories of President Reagan? Send us an e-mail and we'll post it right here. Offer good only until friday when they finally bury the bastard. Liz Taylor writes: Just a few faves: 1. Reagan was not only the first divorced prez, but the first one to marry a woman who was pregnant! That's right: Ronnie & Mommy (to-be, at the time), 'Nancy "Just Say No" Davis', were married in March, 1952; Patti was born in October: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronald_Reagan "Reagan married actress Jane Wyman in 1940. They had a daughter, Maureen in 1941, adopted a son Michael in 1946, and had a daughter born four months prematurely in 1947 who lived but one day. They divorced in 1948, making Reagan the only President who has been divorced. Reagan remarried in 1952 to actress Nancy Davis; they had two children Ron and Patti. Nancy was pregnant during the wedding, making Reagan the only President to have married a pregnant woman." 2. Patti Davis did not know she had a (half) sister & brother until she was 11. 3. Mr. & Mrs. Family Values did not see Ronnie's grandson (his adopted son, Michael's) baby until the child was about 18 mos. old. 4. At a state dinner, Reagan called Princess Diana "Prince David". He had Alzheimer's for how many years??? 5. Nancy & the numbers game: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nancy_Reagan "Reagan is well-remembered for conservative fashions emulated by many women of the time, for championing the "Just Say No" campaign against juvenile drug use, and for her personal use of astrology. She had, in fact, a personal astrologer during her time as First Lady. It finally became a major embarrassment, as it was disclosed that Nancy influenced the White House time schedule of her husband. Days were color-marked according to the astrologer's advise, being classified as "good" days, "neutral" days or days that should be avoided. The White House Chief of Staff, Donald Regan, finally became extremely frustrated with this irrational and detrimental regime, causing a power struggle between Regan and the First Lady. Donald Regan resigned in 1988." 6. At a speech she gave many years ago (I was there), Maureen Reagan said of Ronnie & Nancy that they should have never had children. They were more than enough for each other, kids were an intrusion. 7. Speaking of the children from their marriage: ever notice neither has had children of their own. Wonder why? Maureen adopted a 16 yr. old girl. Michael, who was adopted, is the only one with children: Ashley & Cameron...who apparently went AWOL during the "just say no" lectures--and I love how his daddy is one of those contradiction in terms: a "compassionate conservative": http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/05/06/reagan/index.html NOTHING PERSONAL | BY AMY REITER May 6, 1999 | You'd think Nancy's astrologer would have seen it coming. But, alas, freedom isn't in the stars for Cameron Reagan. Former President Ronald Reagan's 20-year-old grandson was sentenced to six months in the slammer Tuesday for taking part in two car burglaries in November. (Oh, the shame of Grandpa Gipper!) According to young Reagan's lawyer, Don Wager, it was family troubles and the struggle to survive on the mean streets of Sherman Oaks, Calif., that drove his client to car-thievin' monkey business. It seems Cameron's parents, one of whom is Ronnie's eldest son, Michael, had thrown him out of the house for not holding down a job, despite the fact that he had been diagnosed with depression and adult attention deficit disorder. "At the time of his arrest he was homeless because his parents had ejected him from the house because they didn't understand the nature of his disorder," warranted Wager. And sticky-fingered Cameron claims that in the weeks before their arrest, he and his partner in crime, Chris Lopez, routinely bedded down on a rooftop, wrapped in a cruddy old rug and "cuddled together like puppies." But his plea for trickle-down sympathy didn't wash with the judge, who sentenced him to three years' probation in addition to the six-month lockup. When asked if he agreed to the terms of the sentence, Cameron, quick-thinking as his gramps, replied, "Do I have a choice?" - - - - - - - - - http://www.cannabisnews.com/news/thread7954.shtml Posted by FoM on December 10, 2000 at 06:55:32 PT The 22-year-old grandson of former President Ronald Reagan admitted to having less than an ounce of marijuana in his possession, and in turn, violating his probation. Cameron Reagan admitted the violation Friday to Superior Court Judge Michelle R. Rosenblatt. He was ordered to return to court Jan. 8, when he is expected to be sentenced to 90 days in a correctional facility. Deputy District Attorney Lea Purwin D'Agostino said she will ask the judge to place Reagan in a ``very structured residential program, analogous to a 'boot camp.''' Reagan was sentenced to six months in jail and three years probation after he pleaded no contest in 1999 to a charge of receiving stolen property in connection with a car break-in. Last week, prosecutors dropped theft charges against Reagan due to lack of evidence. The allegations came from an ex-girlfriend who claimed Reagan stole two diamond rings, a watch and a bracelet from her Granada Hills home last May. Source: Associated Press
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